8th June 2016
The 8th of June 2012 stands out because you left without notice. We spoke two days before your death when you called to say you will be going to the hospital finally. I was shocked about the word finally and mama and I asked why the finally. We asked “are you going to die?”, to which you replied “all will be well”. In retrospect I think you were shouting out to us to come because you were going. Grandpa you knew you were going! There was a level of finality to our conversations that week and sometimes I wish I said more to you, I wish we planned to visit immediately you said the word FINALLY.
I went to watch ‘’Avengers’’ the Friday you died and for a while after your death I wondered what you would have said time and time again ‘’Ore you were watching Avengers while I was dying’’ maybe something less cynical and more comforting. I have learnt in the last four years that time doesn’t stop because you are in pain; time doesn’t go back so you can say a proper goodbye. You just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.
Grandpa you introduced me to writing, made me feel like I have a voice and something special to say to the world, but whenever I read over the tribute I wrote when you died I feel I let you down with the words I wrote. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time a part of me still believed I would walk into the room downstairs and see you seated at the table and writing in one of your many journals.
A year after your death, Mama, sister and I shared our memories of you. It was that day I accepted that I wasn’t going to walk into the room downstairs and see you writing. After this realization I wrote about you, Grandpa, where I imagined you to be and I shared with my mum and sister, I believe I am ready to share it with the world.
Rest Well Grandpa and you are welcomed to visit me in my dreams.
In the Clouds
I seat in the clouds
Watch what goes on below
It feels good to watch all of them
Keep tabs would be the right word
I can’t leave them, we share bonds too deep
To let the cold hands of death rip through those bonds
Keeping tabs is so much easier from up here
I have 6 places to visit, located in three different continents
It is so easy for me to travel back and fort
My weight is lighter than air,
The clouds in the rotating sky my means of transportation
I move the glass plate to the center of the dining table before it falls off the edge
Help my sons out at work, mostly with writing proposals and reports
Listen in on the bed time stories of my grandchildren
I have time to zip back and plant a goodnight kiss on my wife’s fore head
As interesting as this sound, I can’t get a real hug anymore
None of them even know I am there
I have my honey and pap by myself
No amount of honey can make this sweet
I wish I could be back
My wishes fall on deaf ears
With almost 365 days in this state I am happy to report this sucks
I need to wish my granddaughter happy birthday or rather make an appearance
Zip back tell my wife how the event went
Maybe I would drop in on my daughter
In my state the opportunities are endless.